Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
