so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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