i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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