Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
