Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
