She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
