Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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