I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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