i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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