would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
