i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
