my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you win again, gameday.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am available for nakedness
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