What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
