At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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