whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
