arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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