What a fucking waste of an outfit
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
