I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
