How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
