walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
