you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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