My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
