quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
