Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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