According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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