Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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