I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
