He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
