My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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