i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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