what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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