Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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