you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
