Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
