Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
