Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
the liver wants what the liver wants
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
