its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm experimenting with sincerity
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My life is pants optional.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
