So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
