Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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