Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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