we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
