I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
