sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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