It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
