Hey man sorry I got all grabby
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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