...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
