who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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