Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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