I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
