omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
