i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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