I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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