Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
