Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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