I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
