When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
