I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
