I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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