Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
third nipple confirmed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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