I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
