Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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