Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
