can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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