I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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