Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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