Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
