i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
