well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
