waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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