it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How external is "for external use only"?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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