lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
