Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion