Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
