Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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