ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
