I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
