im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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