another moral hangover. fuck.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
