is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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