Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
