hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
