You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was born a porn star she said
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We had sex on a dog bed..
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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