I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
