make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
