awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
